PINEAPPLE PROTOCOL

“Pineapple protocol is in effect! This is NOT a drill! Pineapple protocol is in effect!”. 

Panic and a flurry of motion ensued as the warning blared from speakers dotted around facility X. Annica 06 dove into her office chair and spun into position as Lars 02 came dashing into the control center. 

“Thanks for showing up” she whispered with a sly grin as Lars slammed his coffee on the desk, spilling a trail down one side of the mug. The massive monitor at the front of the room flickered to life showing the gargantuan octopus creature striding out of the sea towards City complex 42. 

“It’s always the same” Lars moaned as he hammered away at his keyboard, “Pineapple protocol only goes into effect if I’m getting a coffee or using the head”. A second smaller monitor sprung to life to the right hand side of the first, the slightly grainy picture displaying a solidly built mecha with smoke billowing around it as cables came loose from various orifices along the limbs.

 “Bio-monitors are showing all green” Annica declared into her headset before spinning slightly in lars’ direction “It could be worse, you could be doing 150 here on your way from home”.

“Yeah I know,” Lars sighed with a tired grimace “Locomotive systems are stable, actuators primed” he barked into his own headset as other operators went through their pre op checks.

As Pineapple hurtled towards the surface on its elevator, Lars shook his head suddenly and opened a private comm channel with Annica: “I’ve got something weird to ask you”. 

“Oh?” Annica twisted all the way towards him now, keeping her monitor within her periphery: “A proposal at this time?”. “HaHa” Lars said dryly as he tapped a few command lines into his console. “I was just wondering to myself why they call it Pineapple protocol?” The main monitor now bristled with action as the mecha confidently charged towards Tentaclang. “Really? You don’t know?” Anna gave him an inquisitive look.

 “Well it’s never really come up in conversation and orientation never covered it, also you know how they hate unnecessary questions”. Lars flicked over to the main channel to report on actuator load whilst pineapple slammed its fists onto Tentclang’s surface, the creature responding by assaulting the mecha with its flailing limbs. “It’s like a sex thing,” Annica explained as she corrected a number of dials in front of her: “ You know, safe-words”. Lars flicked back to their private channel. “Wait really? It’s meant to be like, a psychological thing?”

“Yup” Annica giggled at the look on Lars’ face. “How often are you likely to say pineapple during sex? Not at all probably. So they applied the same logic here. Apparently the powers that be don’t expect us to talk about pineapples at work too much for some reason!” The blades extending from pineapple’s arms were now making short work of Tentaclangs limbs as the monster flailed about in pain. “So that’s weird” Lars barely made himself heard over the whoops and cheers of the other operators. “I always assumed that the protocol was named after the mech, I dunno why I never thought about it before now”.

 “Actually they named the mech after the protocol” Annica stated matter of factly as she leaned back and watched pineapple raise its blades in the air triumphantly from the crescent of Tentaclang’s cadaver. “Let’s be fair, we’re a monster fighting organization. Creativity isn’t exactly a defining characteristic here”. 

“I suppose so” Lars pondered as he took a sip from his mug “well crap”. 

“What’s wrong?” Annica swiveled towards him in panic. He tilted in her direction with an embarrassed smile on his face “My coffee’s gone cold”.